Rip Currents

One week since I have returned. One week and I have done nothing. Nothing... except let the familiar currents of this country take control.

Rip Currents... I know how to get out of them, but what is it that has stopped me from using that knowledge? The best of us fight against it, and swim towards that visible shore line. Fighting it and fighting it... telling ourselves "I can make it, I can make it to that point... and once I get there, things will be different, things will be better. "I can make this current run in a different direction. It does not have to lead to this violent distructive whirlpool." Maybe it doesn't have to but that is the nature of this current. That is the nature of its power, that's just 'what it does.' Eventually it will consume all of your energy, you will get exhausted and then you will drown. Then there are those that never notice its presence, they just keep drifting out to sea. That way might be easier atleast it is in the beginning, not knowing, not fearing, just drifing along letting the current guide you. But when that person does finally realize where s/he's been taken, s/he is miles away from shore and s/he can't swim. Now his or her life is over. Regardless of whether s/he lives or dies s/he is at the whim of the current.

As I said, I know the answer, but knowing and doing are two different things. Sometimes I panic, I whell up with fear and swim as hard as I can towards the shore. I don't trust what is inside, that strong feeling rising from below and to the left in my gut. Instead I look at everyone else I trust that they must know where there going and we yell at the others on their black intertubes as they drift by and further out to see. "HEY, DON'T GO THAT WAY! IT'S IS VIOLENT AND DESTRUCTIVE AND HORRIBLE. COME THIS WAY WITH US, TOGETHER WE CAN FIGHT IT!" In response the tuber says, "Dang! Look at me, I'm sporting 22inch rims!" Almost out of reflex the words,"Damn, that's hot!" came to my lips; but I only opened my mouth and stared blankly. Out of the corner of my eyes I caught a glimpse of something strange; it was out along the left side of our group (the ones swimming towards shore) and it wasn't a tuber. I started angling my way that way, and as I got closer just as I could start to make out what it was; it vanished. "Damn!" and with that I stopped swimming and began treading water for a little while. I'd been swimming for some time now, and hadn't really given much time to thought. And from my gut came that strong feeling again, but this time I understood it. 'The way out of a rip current is first to forget the golden sands and then swim parallel to the shore.' That is.. perpendicular to the current. Informing the others of my discovery, they were quite resistant and thought I was crazy. So off I went on my own, swimming at a good pace; and soon with every stroke I began to feel the fear and anxiety that covered me for so long, drift away as I was finally released from that horrible current. But I did not turn to swim towards the shore,... I was done with that beach.

It's time for something else, it's time for something completely different...

-- Brian

And now I have connected my past with my future, all that is left is to fill in the present.